I'm a little bit quiet about my resolutions when I make them.
I do make them, but I don't share them loudly and proudly because, honestly, it means I'll be accountable.
Maybe you, reader of this humble blog, will not check in and ask me how those goals are going (or maybe you will? Who knows?) but I'll know that you know what they are.
I'll know that my husband will know that I want to read more books, but he sees me scrolling, and woe unto him if he reminds me of that goal I shared!
And sometimes I don't really set them for myself, except for a deep hope of just being better.
Better at life, at controlling my thoughts, working hard in ministry and motherhood and study and all things in between.
At the beginning of a new year I always envision me at the end of it - wiser, fitter and more accomplished.
But I know that the me that's waiting for me at the end of the year will be the sum of how I spend my hours now.
And I know that instead of writing myself unachievable goals, which leak shame when they go unfulfilled, I should hold tightly in my hand my priorities for the year.
And let the things that I say yes to be filtered through these priorities.
It simplifies everything.
So, although they've been unspoken until now, these are what I've been filtering some of my yesses and no's through:
FUN: at the end of last year I made a commitment to myself to have fun. To say yes to spontaneous camping trips, to allow myself to let go of routine and control when I need to - fun for my little family of 5, and fun in my own friendships. To say yes to the memory-making, even if it means going to bed late.
FAMILY: I want to get to know my grandparents better. I want my kids to build relationships with all their great grandparents. And I want to spend more quality time with my immediate family. I have the cutest nieces on the planet - I want to be the aunty they remember being interested in who they are, and their everyday lives. I want to spend quality time together with the five of us - before Mr Highschooler refuses to join us.
READING: I want to read more. I love to read. I love to read books that expand my spiritual life, and my health and my emotional life. I want to read books that are intelligent and wise and teach me things I didn't know. I want to invest in books that do that.
But I also want to make time to read fiction again for the pure and unadulterated pleasure it brings. It's my favourite thing to do.
I need to do more of what fills my soul, without feeling guilty.
RUNNING: I dislike exercise a lot. (Obviously, because, bookworm). But as hard as it is to put my running shoes on and psyche myself up to pound the pavement, once I'm out there, by the ocean, podcast in my ears (I can't run to music, I need a podcast to take my mind off the pain of exercise!) it's doing more for my mental and emotional health than my fitness. I feel better about myself, about life. I hear God more clearly. It stills a very whirring and overthinking kind of brain.
But the fitness thing is a bonus too - defined calve muscles? Yes please.
WRITING: I want to be here more. To share my heart, to be vulnerable and real and me. Because, regardless of whatever insecurities I have about sharing, writing is the one thing that makes me feel alive, and gives me purpose. One day: books, but for now journals and blog posts. Promising myself I'll share more in this space (Starting with a Lent series... stay tuned!)
What about you?
Have you set very defined goals for the year? I am always so impressed with those of you who do, and who manage to stick to things for an entire year!
6 weeks in, only 46 to go.