Quiet has finally found me tonight. It's been awhile.
A candle flickers, and as the room grew dark after dusk I flicked on the lights of the Christmas tree and I sit here in semi-darkness. It's the soul space I've needed after a full holiday season; a way to finish this year strong, and begin the next with purpose and determination.
Today, as I was driving and thinking about twenty-fifteen, I was reminded about the story of the blind beggar Bartimaeus.*
Desperate for change, he heard Jesus was nearby and shouted out for Him. And kept shouting, until his voice was hoarse and his throat parched, and until other people in the vicinity got sick of hearing him.
When he finally had Jesus' attention, Jesus asks him "What do you want me to do for you?"
Um, hello? He's blind. Duh. Why the questions?
I was thinking about this today, as I pondered what it is I really want for next year.
Bartimaeus could have asked for money, or a job, or food. He was blind and poor.
But all he really wanted was to see.
"My rabbi," the blind man said, "I want to see!" "On your way," said Jesus. "Your faith has saved and healed you." In that very instant he recovered his sight and followed Jesus down the road."
And next year, I could ask for work, and hope for material gain. And while I am determined to work hard, to reach goals and to live well, what I really want, is just to see.
To see and follow. To see more than just my own goals, or carve my own path.
To see others; to see the part I can play in shining in dark places, easing burdens and following in those footsteps to loving so much better than I have this year.
Faith saves and heals us and shows us where to go.
I want to see where I've been wrong, be healed of hurts and shake off the disappointments of this year.
And all we can really do is tell Him, "I just want to see" and then get up and follow Him into 2015.