You’re starting to understand yourself a bit better now, you know.
Maybe it’s because you’re really truly in your thirties now, or maybe it’s because you’ve started recognising the seasons in your life – the ups and downs, the round-and-arounds.
You are well aware of your weak spots, character flaws and things that still need some work.
But the best thing is that you’re starting to see the goodness, too. You can see strengths rising up, and there’s an indignant question on the inside of you, well why shouldn’t I be good at this. Why should I bury my passions and giftings.
Sometimes you go back into hiding, but mostly you’re walking out in that harsh light of day – regardless of what you think.
Like when you think something not-so-nice. You’re very harsh on yourself for thinking it, but the old you probably would have said it aloud, believed it, acted on it. You’re much better now at pulling down wrong thoughts. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re doing it. And then you square your shoulders – I love it when you do that.
The thing is though, I have to break some news to you.
I see you journey on, thinking and hoping that you’ll get to the end soon, and rest head, and heart.
But, my love, it’s a never-ending battle.
You never simply arrive.
You keep working to build that self-esteem.
You don’t stop renewing your mind.
You fight on, the battle for your mind and your soul wages still and you, my dear, must soldier on.
CS Lewis said Never, in peace or war, commit your virtue or your happiness to the future. “Happy work is best done by the man who takes his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment to moment ‘as to the Lord.’ It is only our daily bread that we are encouraged to ask for. The present is the only time in which any duty can be done or any grace received.”
This moment is the most important one.
Don’t let the thoughts of the ones to come weigh heavy on your heart.
There is grace for rest, and for play – duties will be done and grace will be walked in and He says his yoke is easy and His burden is light.
Don’t look too much to tomorrow, and lets not dwell on yesterday.
See the goodness, accept the grace, take the steps.
Head and heart can rest in Him, in Hope. Just keep going.