I get annoyed sometimes because I can't see the end.
If only I could see clearly the way life will pan out for us, I could focus on what really matters.
If only I could see the finished jigsaw instead of what now looks like an unfinished, abstract mess, then I wouldn't feel so unsettled and unsure.
If only I could see clearly what God has put inside me to use, and to develop, and to sow then I wouldn't bury everything and hide away.
I'm Thomas. The doubting disciple.
The beautiful, comforting words of Jesus tells them* not to let their hearts be troubled, to trust Him. Everyone else seems okay with this. Except Thomas. I imagine these beautiful, comforting words lingered in his mind for a little bit. They sounded nice but then the pause. Logic and reality hit him like a train. Wait a second, what are you even talking about?! You can tell me not to be troubled all you like but I AM troubled! "No, we don't know, Lord" Thomas says, "We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?" I know how Thomas feels.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?!" I scream it in my mind.
I demand it, frown, try to move away from the discomfort. NO WE DON'T KNOW, JESUS.
I DON'T KNOW!
I don't know! I don't know where I'm going, I don't know specifically, what I need to be doing. I have no map, no timeline, no checklist. What if I'm going the wrong way? What if I make a choice and it's the wrong one?
But I think that's the point. The point of the faith that we're supposed to have for God to smile upon us. The faith that says, "I can't see the way, but I know Who the Way is."
And it's always the Who that is the most important.
And He is the one who promises peace regardless.
Regardless of how much we feel we're stepping out into nothingness - He'll catch us.
Regardless of how much we feel we're flailing on a path alone - we're not.
We're left with the gift ofpeace of mind and heart. "And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."**
"I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught" ***
As frustrating as it is that I can't see the end, I can see Him. I can know Him. And instead of being berated for doubting He simply promises peace, even when I can't see the way, and when the path before me is dim.
* John 14
** John 14:27
*** Message Paraphrase